Are you the missing piece?

In January 2013 I started to experience a lot of physical pain.

Then came food intolerances and allergies, more pain and more discomfort.

For the next 7 months the pain would worsen to the point of me passing out, once on a train, and once from the top of the escalator at Liverpool St Station from the street to the station, and numerous times in between.

Hospital admittances were regular, more tests, no signs of anything physically wrong with me, and no time off.  I'd work from my hospital bed or from home if I couldn't do the two hour commute each way to London and back.

In July, I had two operations in 4 hours, and only when I went for my follow up appointment was I asked my stress levels.  I replied by saying I wasn't experiencing any stress.

I was a 32 year old HR Director, spending four hours travelling, at least 12 hours a day working, mum to 12 year old twin sons, wife, daughter, leading a team of 43, in an organisation of almost 4000, working on at least 15 projects whilst trying to implement a new team, new structure, and a brand new recruitment contract, whilst at the same time restructuring the entire organisation, including my own team and arguing with external consultants and the Exec team about the immoral and unethical practices that I was seeing every single day.

And I wasn't experiencing any stress???

I didn't know I needed to make any changes in my life, because I didn't think there was anything to change,

Now I'd had the operations I thought whatever the issue had been, it had now been fixed, and now I could carry on as normal.

My sons had realised something that I hadn't though, and they weren't afraid to voice it.

My job was killing me.

When your 12 year old sons tell you something that you're completely oblivious to, right until that moment, and then it hits you, like a punch to the gut, you know that something needs to change.

Despite the toxicity in the company, I loved my job.

What became clear though was that I'd been compromising my own values and morals to try and 'fit in' and make a difference in this toxic company.  And my gut, in addition to feeling like it had done ten rounds with Tyson, was screaming at me that I needed to get back to being aligned.

I didn't know what that meant, but as I sat with it, I knew that when I returned to work, I needed to live and work in alignment with my values, my beliefs, my morals and my boundaries.

And in doing so, almost immediately after my return, I knew that this wasn't the place for me. 

This company was not where I wanted to be.  And the Exec team were not people I could work alongside anymore.

I started looking for other jobs, none felt right. 

And then I heard myself say that I wanted to start my own consultancy.  I wanted to run an ethical and moral consultancy unlike the poisonous consultancies that I'd dealt with in my last couple of roles.

And that's what I did.

Three months after hearing myself say that I wanted to start my own consultancy, I was doing it.

A year later I'd left my husband and moved into a new house with my sons.

A few months later I was in another relationship.

A few months after that I was recruiting for my company and growing the team.

I was winning awards, I had a waiting list of clients, I was earning good money, learning new things, enjoying life, and then I reached Burnout again.

I didn't get it.

I had learned all I could about stress.

I was studying this thing called Burnout. 

I was ticking things off my 'self-care' list every day.

So how did I reach Burnout again?

And this time, I didn't just become ill, I almost died.  Talk about not learning my lesson the first time round.

And it's this lightbulb moment, that has led me to do the work that I do with Burnout Recovery in the way that I do it, and it's this lightbulb moment that has led me to educate as many people as I can about Burnout.

Because we can turn our entire life upside down, change jobs, start our business, have the longest ever list of 'self-care' tasks on a daily basis, and you'll stay stuck in the Burnout cycle if you don't do the real work.

Because without doing the work on yourself, the real deep work, the work that causes you to take a deep dive into who you are, and what you want, and why you want it, you'll just keep spinning in the Burnout cycle until you learn your lesson.

Until you get really connected to your true self, your real self, the you that you came here to be, you will keep spinning and spinning and spinning in the Burnout cycle, and it will get worse each time, until you learn your lesson.

And let me tell you, I know that I wouldn't survive a Burnout number 3.

I loved my job, but the environment was toxic.

I thought starting my own consultancy was the answer, if I'd had done the real work on myself, actually if I'd have know this was even needed, I'd have started a completely different business, with a completely different focus. 

And I know this, because of the time and energy I wasted on 'thinking' about new businesses and creating new websites and new branding every month, even though I was running a successful business and making a ton of money, but not feeling satisfied, happy or aligned.

I was searching for something, and I didn't know what. 

But really all I needed to find was me.  Now, when I feel out of sync, I anchor back, and remember that I am always the missing piece of the puzzle.  What I need is always within me, not something external.

It's not another new business idea, it's not a new pair of shoes, or a car, or a holiday, it's me, always.

So that feeling that you have, that thing that you're searching for, the niggle that you can't ignore, the qualification that you think you need, or the certificate that you need, or the validation you need to feel good enough - it's all pointing you toward the missing piece of your puzzle, and that's you.

And I realise that it sounds simple, and I wish it were.

Spoiler alert, it takes a lot of time and hard work - it's tough!

But totally worth it.

If you want to break free from Burnout, the answer you're looking for, is the person you're avoiding in the mirror every day.

Make friends with that person, and you can and will beat Burnout.

Kelly

www.kellyswingler.com

#Burnout #BurnoutPrevention #BurnoutRecovery