Zoom Meeting
Mon, 7 Oct 2024
0:02 - Kelly Swingler
Okay, right, we are Ugh. You Good morning, good morning, good morning. Welcome to another episode of Frazzled, the podcast with me, your host, Kelly Swingler. For those of you that are watching live, you might see I've got a little bit of new tech, so we're gonna see what the sound is like with my gorgeous new mic. It's quite sexy looking, isn't it? But welcome to Frazzled, the podcast. Today we are talking about lazy bastards don't burn out. This is something that is a question that I've been being asked, not do lazy bastards burn out, but it is a question that I've been being, it's related to a question that I've been asked for quite a while. So we're gonna be talking about all of that in today's episode. Whether you are new or whether you have been with me for, what, a season and a half now, right? All the way through our first season and wherever it is that we're at in today's, seasons rather. Frazzled is totally uncut, totally unscripted, totally unedited. You might be like, yeah, we could tell that. But this for me really was a sign, I suppose. If you like, it was part of my, I don't know, recovery from perfectionism. I have done podcasts before, before, I have done videos before, I've done training, so many things and yet I realized when it came to doing another podcast that the stress that was consuming me with it about needing to have it edited, needing for it to be professional, needing for it to have the jingle, needing for it to have all of the music and all of the pressure then of creating and finding guests and all of that. Even though like I knew I had this kind of like, we need to do a podcast, right? We need to be talking about this stuff more. We need to be doing stuff. I found that I was creating all of these barriers to myself, right? Because if I couldn't do it perfectly, I couldn't do it at all. And that was then adding to some of my additional stress, right? Causing me additional stress, additional worries, additional concerns and yet it doesn't need to be like that, right? Good can be good enough. The fact that it is raw and unscripted and unedited, I'm owning it.
3:54 - Kelly Swingler
And the fact that we can share our voices and share our work and get stuff out there without feeling like it needs to be perfect, right? This is perfectly imperfect and I'm it as it is. So there will be stutters and pauses and gaps and probably tech issues and you know I've started recording video now as well as the audio like the video quality is not always a hundred percent. I keep getting messages from people on YouTube right like your SEO ranking on YouTube is awful. Content's great but your SEO ranking is awful. Like just obviously if I could get that stuff sorted then more people might be able to listen. But for me, what's important is getting it out there. And maybe this is like a bit of healing or a bit of therapy or a bit of a different journey for me in order to go through it. But I know that enough of you are listening in order for it to be making an impact. And I know that enough of you are sharing it in order for it to be making an impact. It does not need to be perfect. It can be perfectly imperfect just the way it is. Unscripted, uncut and unedited. So before we get into today's topic, if you are at the point, right, where you yourself are overthinking, overworrying, overstretching, finding yourself feeling frazzled about stuff that you just shouldn't be feeling frazzled about, right? It may be a podcast, but it's unlikely that yours is the podcast. So I suppose my first question for you today is like what's your equivalent of frazzled that you can stop trying to be perfect with it, that you can stop stressing about it, that you can stop worrying about the fact that it's not perfectly done or perfectly cut or professional enough or whatever it might be and just allow yourself to embrace doing it your way, like your way, right? Your way is what will make it unique. Special and magical and all of that stuff, right? So what's your frazzled equivalent? Where if you ditched the quest for perfection, you could just get your stuff out there, right? For your teams, for your people, for your family, for your clients, whoever it may be, but what's your frazzled equivalent? That's where I'm going to start us off this morning. Okay, today's topic, Lazy Bastards Don't Burn Out. I was on a, I can't remember who the webinar was with, it might have been for the Happiness Index at some point last year, maybe the year before. But I was with, I think there were three of us on a panel being interviewed about burnout and I remember one of the panel members saying, well, wow, you know, just lazy bastards don't get there. And I've seen a lot over the last few kind of weeks and months, right, that actually anybody can get to the point of burnout. That actually if you are lazy or disinterested or disengaged, then you can experience, and I've seen it kind of, what did I see it? Spoken about, like bore out, right? You don't get to the point of burnout, but you can get to the point of bore out. And I was like, we're just creating words. But I do think this is a kind of key topic that we need to be focusing on because I think I'm seeing more and more leaders. I'm seeing more and more individuals. The hard workers, those that are like really committed, really engaged, want to make a want to create a difference, want to make an impact, want to maybe like have that validation and that praise and that thanks and that are perfectionists and people pleasers and high performers and high achievers. A lot of organizations, a lot of clients, right? I've got some friends that are kind of running their own businesses. Some of them are doing consultancy for other staff but they've said they are setting unrealistic deadlines and expectations. And then when, I think there was one of my friends missed a deadline last week, had to go back to a client and say, I'm really sorry, I'm not going to get it. And was then told that they were really unprofessional. But nobody had questioned the fact that the speed in which they were getting other stuff done previously, right? Nobody said, oh, no, no, give yourself an extra week. We are relying on, leaders and organizations are relying on the over-performing, high-performing, perfectionist people-pleasers that are setting unrealistic deadlines, that are killing themselves, literally killing themselves to get the job done, to get the deadlines hit, to pick up work that other people aren't doing, to pick up the slack, to do all of that, and yet nobody is looking at those high performers to actually, what do they need? What extra support can we be giving them? How can we be helping them more? How can we ensure that they are okay? And I wrote a blog a few years ago, like, is it time to, I can't remember the exact tip, but I think I'd called it, like, is it time to start performance managing your top performers? And I got all of the, I mean, a lot of people read the blog right a lot of people hadn't even read it but I got like all of it like what do you think like performance management like we know what we do but the premise of the book right the detail of the actual blog was that your high performers are the ones that are more likely to get to the point of burnout. Your high performers are the ones that will continue to pick up the slack of everybody else but when are you saying to them what What do you need to help you through it? Because unless, like particularly in corporate organizations, unless you've been put in a grid that is like high performer, unless you're in that kind of high performer, like hypo grid in the square where you're being identified or selected or chosen for some kind of high performance program where you get the same coaching and the same development as everybody that's happening it's highly likely that you're just being left to get on with it and you're saying yes to more and you're saying you know you're picking more up you're doing more you're picking up the slack of all of your colleagues you're doing everything that you possibly can to ensure that everything gets done and part of you is desperately craving some of that validation right you are Pushing yourselves to the point, hoping that somebody's going to come and tap you on the shoulder and go, hey, Kelly, that was a really great project. Well done. Or, hey, Kelly, we're going to instantly promote you now because you've proved your worth. Or, hey, Kelly, here is your, you know, here's the salary increase that you've desperately been deserving. Or somebody's, you know, just literally, like, just a thank you. Right? Getting any of that, and if you are, it's like, oh, you know, thanks for doing it again, and then you're kind of moving on. So some of you, I know, are continuing to push because you want that validation, you want that thanks, you want that praise, and you'll continue to say, I don't do it for that, but some of you are desperately, desperately craving it, and you're pushing yourselves to the point of perfectionism and unrealistic deadlines and unrealistic stuff because you really do you are seeking some of that validation, a lot of that validation, and you're not getting it. So you keep on pushing, you keep on trying, you keep on striving, but there's also something inbuilt in you, right? And some of it is that kind of like perfect child, like good child mentality, right? Some of you that are pushing yourselves to this point might be like the eldest child, you might be like the child that was, I don't know, never allowed to say no, or was always the good one, or any of that stuff. So some of that is still coming into your workplace, right? Some of it's coming into adulthood. Some of you are still waiting for the gold stars on your A-star report cards to validate the work that you're doing. And a lot of you are killing yourself.
12:58 - Kelly Swingler
Burnout is most likely, whilst nobody is immune to burnout, burnout is most likely to impact the high-performing, overachieving, engaged perfectionists.
13:18 - Kelly Swingler
And we're not really focusing too much in organizations on the lazy bastards. Because it's like we have accepted that they're just lazy. And because a lot of managers and a lot of leaders are themselves at the point of burnout, they're then not managing the lazy bastards because The work is still getting done because those of you that are high-performing, overachieving, perfectionist people-pleasers are picking up the slack, right? So the work's still getting done. So your managers and your leaders are not really being picked up on the fact that the work's not happening because you're making sure that it's happening. They don't want or need the stress of the lazy bastards.
14:14 - Kelly Swingler
They don't want to do performance management, they don't want to have the conversations, they don't want to tackle any of this stuff because that takes time and effort, but they will continue to pass all of the stuff to you.
14:28 - Kelly Swingler
Genuinely, right, is it time that we were performance managing you, right? Is it time that we were performance managing the high-performing, high-achieving perfectionist people pleasers? And I don't mean like performance management in terms of like tick box exercises, only that stuff. But I mean, genuinely ask like, what, finding out what is it taking? Like how much of you is it taking to get this thing done? Is it costing you your family time? Is it costing you your weekends? Is it costing you financially? Is it costing you your relationships? Is it costing you your mental health, your physical health, your emotional health, Is it your spiritual health? Is it your social health, your social life?
15:20 - Kelly Swingler
What's it costing for you to be doing this stuff? What's it costing for you to keep achieving these unrealistic deadlines? What's it costing you to keep over committing to the work that you're over committing to? What's it costing you to keep picking up all of the pieces being dropped by everybody else? What's it costing you to be juggling all of these balls and spinning all of these plates and managing all of these projects and just going, going, going all of the time? Because it's costing you a lot more than just some extra work.
16:04 - Kelly Swingler
And maybe you are ignoring some of those signs, right? Maybe you're ignoring ignoring the headaches or the changes in your sleep. Maybe you're ignoring some of the digestive issues, the health issues, the fact that every time you then stop or pause or take a break, you're ending up with like a really bad cold or really bad flu symptoms. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you are overcompensating. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you are numbing. Maybe you're drinking more, eating more, spending more, shopping more. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you're withdrawing more. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you're becoming even more addicted to work. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you feel unable to switch off from work. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you know that you've just got to keep on going, keep on going, keep on going, because you know that if you stop, you're likely to crash. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you've had the same emails in your inbox for weeks because you're just not getting around to doing them. Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you feel so completely and utterly overwhelmed that you don't feel able to talk about how you're feeling because you just might lose it.
17:27 - Kelly Swingler
Maybe you're ignoring the fact that you haven't like topped up your own energy for weeks or months in whatever way that looks like for you. Maybe it's running, yoga, jogging, painting, photography, socializing with friends, going to the cinema, theater, reading a book, listening to a podcast. Maybe you're ignoring all of those things. But I think if you are not prepared to ask yourself some of those questions and you're or your leader or your team are not prepared to start asking all of those questions, then where do we end up?
18:16 - Kelly Swingler
Because the lazy bastards don't care. They're quite happy to continue being lazy, getting away with what they can. They're getting paid They're getting paid for what they don't do. You're probably not, and I would place money on this, but you're probably not then being paid extra for doing all of the extra.
18:45 - Kelly Swingler
And I think sometimes we need to take a leaf out of the book of some of these lazy bastards. I really do. I've worked with them. You all have worked with them soon. And some of them, some, it's not even laziness. For some it is like pure boundaries. They come in just before they're due to start work. They take their coffee breaks. They take their lunch breaks and they finish work at the end of the day.
19:23 - Kelly Swingler
And I've seen of those people, I've worked with some of those people, I've employed some of those people, and then I've been like, oh my God, they just, why aren't they just? They're doing what they're being paid to do.
19:38 - Kelly Swingler
They are doing what they are being paid to do, right, for the hours that they are working. No more, no less.
19:52 - Kelly Swingler
And a lot of us cannot get our heads around that, right? Because a lot of us are like, well, you know, but this thing's doing and this thing's doing and this thing's doing and this thing's doing. But actually, is it your responsibility that there are not enough people in your team or in your organization to get the job done?
20:11 - Kelly Swingler
Is it your responsibility to be jeopardizing your relationships in order to get the work done because your organization is then focusing on job losses and job cuts and paying people less and not promoting and all that sort of stuff. Why are you taking it upon yourself to do all of that stuff?
20:41 - Kelly Swingler
Lazy bastards are not gonna reach burnout. Those with really great boundaries are not gonna burnout. Those that are really clear on who they are, what they want and where they're going are not going to reach burnout. But those of you that are constantly picking up the pieces, constantly thinking like you've got stuff to prove, constantly feeling unworthy, less than, feeling like you've got to be the perfectionist, feeling like everything has to be perfect, feeling like you've got to get those deadlines across the line. Those of you that are doing all of that stuff, are on the brink of burnout. And many of you are closer to burnout than you realize. And ironically, the closer that we get to burnout, the less we realize that we're in it, the less we realize that we are that close.
21:33 - Kelly Swingler
There is a crash coming. And again, I don't say that lightly. The big burnout crash is coming. I don't say that to scare anybody. I say it because I'm seeing it. I'm hearing it. I'm witnessing it. I'm seeing the behaviors and the actions and I'm hearing the words and I'm seeing the pushing. I'm seeing all of the patterns. It's happening. So maybe we do need to be performance managing our top performers and giving them the additional support and telling them, giving them permission to switch off and go home and not do all of this stuff. Maybe it's time as organizations we stopped relying on the goodwill of so many people to give all of this unpaid time and all of this unpaid energy to sacrifice their lives outside of work for the good of our organizations. Maybe it's time that we all actually took a bit of a leaf out of the book of the lazy bastards or those that have just got amazing boundaries and like, well, you know, it's okay for them okay for us. Maybe we need that collective pause. Maybe we definitely need to make a change. But we've got to stop assuming that the high performers are okay. We've got to stop assuming that the overachievers are okay. We've got to stop assuming that the perfectionists are okay.
23:00 - Kelly Swingler
Because we are closer to a crash than we realize. As I said, I don't say that lightly. But we are closer to the crash than we realize. And every single one of us needs to play our part in banishing burnout, creating those non-negotiables and changing the world of work. I'm going to leave you there for today. I'll be back with you again next week. New episodes release every Tuesday at 7am. You can now watch Frazzled on your YouTube channel. You can also listen to it on your favorite podcasting platforms. If you do enjoy this, wherever you're kind of listening or watching or kind of doing whatever, if there's an opportunity, would you leave it a review? Apparently reviews are the way to go and I never actually ask for any. So if you are listening on any of your favorite podcast platforms away from my website at kellysingler.com, give it a bit of a review, give it some love. Share it with someone who may want to hear it. I'm going to say thanks very much. I'll see you again next Tuesday or speak to you again. I'll see you or speak to you again next Tuesday at 7am. Go and have a great week for now. I'll be back with you again soon. You'll find everything that you need hopefully to help you to be a lot less frazzled and a lot more fabulous over at kellyswingler.com, particularly your free downloadable burnout assessment Go check it out and I will be back with you again next week. Take care for now.
