Zoom Meeting
Mon, 18 Nov 2024
0:00 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
There we go, that's what I was waiting for. Hello, hello, hello. I'm back with you this week, video and audio. I haven't done video for ages. And it may be that I'm just, there's loads of silence at the beginning whilst I wait for it to say the recording is working. We're gonna see how we go. But welcome to Frazzled, I am your host Kelly Swingler. I don't always feel comfortable doing the video side of it. Explain in a moment, but today we are talking about mind the gap. Mind the gap, right? How big is the gap between who you are, who you really are, truly are, authentically are. I know the word authentic gets kind of thrown around so much at the moment, doesn't it? But like, how big is the gap between who you are and who you feel that you can be? Right? How big is the gap between and who you are and who you feel that you can be. I think in over a decade of doing this work, the one thing that I know for sure, and I'm always learning, studying, researching, working with, wanting to understand every possible thing that I can about burnout. But if you've been with me when I've been talking about the burnout equation, right? Toxicity minus our sense of self, your sense of self equals burnout. Toxicity minus sense of self equals burnout. I think a lot of that sense of self gets lost around this inauthenticity, right? This is me, these are my values, this is who I'm living at, this is me and yet I have to show up as somebody completely different. I have to mask or I have to dress differently or talk differently or think differently or or I shrink in meetings, right? I want to say something and then I feel like I need to shrink. I want to post something on my socials and then I feel I've got to shrink. I want to have that conversation with somebody but I'm holding back because what if, right? And I think every time like we go to expand, right? We think this is how I want to show up in the world. This is who I want to be.
2:15 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And every time we go, and we shrink back again, we are creating a gap.
2:21 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
We are creating a gap between who we really are and how we show up in the world, who we show up in the world as. I wanna explore all of that today. I wanna talk about that today, some stuff that's come up in a meditation, some stuff that I kind of discovered with my book, Mind the Gap, I'm planning for the launch of Fuck Burnout next week, which I'm really, really excited for. But yeah, today I want to explore with you a bit more about Mindless Gap and things that we can do to try and close it. I think that's what we're gonna explore and dig in today. So welcome. We are this week Video and Audio. We are unscripted, uncut, unedited. Right?
3:13 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
There's no ads, there's no sponsors, there's no fancy jingles, there's no anything.
3:18 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
It's me and you, usually me having a rant for about 20 minutes talking about something. So we see where we go, but uncut, unedited, unscripted, there might be background noise, there might be crappy video quality, right? We show up and we go as we are. And again, I think I want, like, that could be a bit of a lesson. I said at the beginning, I don't always enjoy the video stuff. If I'm recording just the audio of this, and again, there's no fancy tech for this, but what I tend to do when I'm recording the audio, if I just do audio only, is I just pace.
4:00 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
I walk and I pace and I move and I kind of go with whatever feels right. My phone.
4:08 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
I've recently bought a little clip-on mic, but just talking to my phone. And for me that feels, I don't know, it makes the podcast feel just like a bit more of just like a chat with a friend.
4:24 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
Lots of people have then said, do it on video, right? Video is the way that you can get the message out there more.
4:33 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
Video is the way forward like absolutely do this and I started to but I also kind of feel quite restricted sometimes I think when I'm sat in front of a screen and so if we're talking about being like our authentic self how big is the gap between our authentic self and who we show up as over the last few weeks I haven't been showing up for video because it doesn't feel natural for me I don't have an issue being on video I do lots of lives, I do lots of talks on a screen, all of that. But there's something, it feels a bit more restrictive when I'm doing it from a podcast perspective and so I haven't done it. But I did then need to call it, because actually if I think about why I do this, what is the reason for this podcast? What's the reason for me doing the work that I do? The whole purpose of that is I to banish burnout. I genuinely want to banish burnout. I want to stop burnout from coming. I want to raise awareness of it. I want to educate. I want to talk about the things that can lead to burnout. I want to talk about the things that can help us to prevent burnout. That's my mission. This is what gets me out of bed in the morning.
5:50 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
Yet if there's part of it, it's like, well, I just don't want to sit in front of the screen.
5:56 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
Am I then really living in alignment with my core values? Am I living in alignment with my core purpose. If I'm just like, yeah, but I just don't like recording it on video, right, because it just doesn't feel right. If that's where I'm from, like from a kind of shrunken, oh yeah, but I just don't enjoy video. Am I then therefore being quite selfish in not putting it out there? So I can't guarantee a video every week because sometimes when I just want to do podcast episodes, it's just like, oh, that's a topic that I want to talk about. Sometimes I'll just go off and record it for 20 minutes. I'm not always going to promise a video, but I am going to do what I can myself to close the gap between who I am, who I really am, what's my purpose, what's my work, why am I showing up, why am I here to do this stuff, and checking in with, am I choosing to stay small and keep it small for me or am I choosing to stay small and keep it small or do it a different way? Because that's the best way to get the message across. And that's what I'm gonna continue to check in with, right? That's one of the things that I am going to do to close the gap between my work and myself and my work and my mood and my work and how I get this message out more, right? That's one thing that I'm gonna do to close the gap. So let's talk a little bit more about this gap, right? This a lot in my book Mind the Gap and I'm going to start by saying I did not want to write Mind the Gap. Mind the Gap, if you have read it, if you haven't read it, Mind the Gap is my story from burnout to breakthrough and beyond and I didn't want to write the book. I wanted to write something completely different, right? I wanted to be writing about a different topic, I wanted to be writing about different themes, I was a bit like, I didn't want to do this book. I thought there was stuff in it that I had moved on from There was stuff in it that was like, nobody's going to care about that stuff. And yet it just kept niggling at me. And every time I sat down to try and write the book that I wanted to write, I just had this complete block.
8:08 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
It was like, it's got to be all about Mind the Gap. It's got to be all about Mind the Gap.
8:14 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
I'm not going to write that book. But I did and I sat with it. It and I wrote it and I put it out. I did a little kind of online launch. It maybe had, I don't know, 10, 15 people. Didn't really promote it. It was just like, hey, the book's coming out. If you want a bit of a Q&A, rock up for this scene. Lots of people couldn't make it live. Recorded it, sent it out. It sold loads of copies. I've had messages about how life-changing it's been for people, how you know, literally save people, it stopped people doing certain things. Even my editor, when I, I don't know what that was, so apologies, I thought I had everything on sound, but uncut and edited, we're gonna get some background noise. But even my editor, when I sent her the book to go out there, she's like, I need to change stuff, right? I think you've literally saved my life. I edit books all of the time. This is the first one that's ever struck me in this way. And as a result of the feedback that she gave me, I asked her to then write a forward for the book. Would you be willing to share how this has made some changes for you, how you've transformed some of the stuff as a result of reading and editing this book, which she did. But once I kind of put it out there, it was like, well, that's it. I get messages about it all the time. I've bought five copies and given them to my friends. If I buy a signed copy, could you give it for my sister? This has been life-changing, this has been transformative. My partner has given it to or bought copies for people that he works with and they've like, this has saved my life, this has changed the way that I've done stuff. I've had loads and loads of messages from people that like, I've left you an Amazon review and like none of the Amazon reviews are showing. And I took that as well, clearly this just isn't a book that people like need to really hear about and so like I kept it small. I think part of that this week, particularly as I have been, I'm coming to the launch of Fuck Burnout, which launches next week. Fuck Burnout is why we need to call BS on workplace wellbeing initiatives to finally banish burnout. I'm done talking about workplace wellbeing initiatives that are making absolutely no difference whatsoever. We need fundamental changes and fundamental shifts. That launches on the 29th And I've really owned this book. I don't think it's the best I've ever written, and I will hand on heart say that now. It's had amazing feedback. I sent it out for some pre-readers. It's had some amazing feedback.
10:54 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
I think it's going to be a conversation starter.
10:58 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
There's so much more work that needs to be done. But I have been so excited and so involved. I have owned this book. Book as it is and talked about it and it's like the biggest launch process that I've done and I'm loving the title, I'm loving everything about it. I hate being center of attention. I didn't want to do a launch party and yet I talked one of my friends into doing a launch for her book and I was like, well, I suppose I kind of need But I'm embracing it all, and I'm enjoying it all, and I'm showing up for it, and I'm getting excited about it, and I'm looking forward to the countdown, and I've got some really amazing stuff there. But it has caused me then to question why I hid so much from the other one, why I've hidden so much from Mind the Gap. And I think part of that is that this one, the Fuck Burnout, isn't about me. It's about burnout and the world of work. Yet where I'm able to make the biggest change for people is when I share my story and that's the mind the gap. And I really had to, I've really had to dig into this year, like what is no longer authentic? What is no longer aligned? What is no longer a fit for me in my life? And like staying small, shrinking and hiding, even though I, you know, I'm visible, I still hold back from a lot of things and promoting mind the gap and about Mind the Gap was one of those things that I've hidden from So what I'm also doing, I'm working with my editor on, we're doing a bit of a kind of second release, second edition, making a few minor changes. If you have read it or you had bought it, you don't need to rush out and get another copy. But I'm fully owning it and fully embracing it. And my face is going on the cover and I'm showing up, right, I'm owning it. Because it is no longer authentic of me to not own my story. Even though I talk about it on stage all the time, there was something in that book that I haven't wanted to own and it's no longer authentic. There is a gap between my true self and who I'm showing up as if I do not fully own that, if I do not fully show up and fully embrace it, if I do not fully promote it. I don't mean like trying to promote it to get sales but actually actually like acknowledge that it's an important part of my work, right? Acknowledge that it's an important foundation, acknowledge that it matters and that it makes a difference, to acknowledge that it has changed lives. That's the stuff that I'm not particularly great at and it's time for me to own that. But I think for lots of us with this gap, right, who we are and who we're showing up The bigger the gap, the bigger the gap there is for burnout to fill. Every time you shrink, every time you hold back, you create a bit of a gap and you might close the gap again when you kind of speak up or show up in a certain way, but there is a gap that will be created every time we try to shrink. And if we consider the burnout equation, toxicity minus sense of equals burnout. Every time we shrink, every time we hold back, every time we adjust, every time we question whether we can or should be showing up as ourself, owning it, being ourselves, talking about our wins, celebrating, every time we hold back on any of that, we are creating a gap. And whilst I own myself story and I talk about it all the time, in itself there is a gap between me writing that book and actually taking full accountability and ownership for it. There is a gap. It's not huge, like I said, I do talk about it, I've promoted it, it's on the website, but I don't talk about how life-changing it is. I don't talk about how different it is. I shy away from a lot of that stuff because I'm still kind of, oh yeah, but what if people think I'm What if people think I'm lying? That shouldn't matter. Because I know what I'm talking about is honest and I know what I'm talking about is true, but I still can find myself wanting to shrink, wanting to hold back, wanting to pull back when I'm doing this stuff. The video edits of this podcast, the video of this podcast is the same, but I have to challenge why am I wanting to shrink? Wanting to shrink because of me, I'm wanting to shrink still because of some of the feedback that I get. I get comments. I show up on video quite a lot, but I get comments constantly about what I look like, what I'm wearing, about my puffy eyes, about my glasses, about my teeth, about my hair, about how I talk. I get comments about my weight. I get comments about all of that, and I just think, I can't be bothered to have to deal with this crap anymore. I want to put my energy into my work and making a difference and sharing my story and educating on burnout and talking about how we prevent it and how we change it and all of that stuff.
16:24 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And yet every time I shrink, I'm creating a gap, right?
16:28 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
I know I will never reach burnout number three. And I catch myself with these things, right? Catch was like, oh, like how big is the gap? Am I being my true self today? Am I being my authentic self today? Where am I hiding? Where am I not showing up? Where am I not being of service to others? Right, these are questions that I regularly journal on, meditate on, and it was a meditation that kind of got me to talk about Mind the Gap. How big is the gap? In yesterday's Burnout Club, yesterday morning's Activate in the Burnout Club, we meet every Monday 8am live coaching. And yesterday's questioning, yesterday's focus was really about mind the gap. It'd come up for me in my meditation, right? Where are you? My morning meditation yesterday, where am I still shrinking? Where am I still playing small? Where am I not working in alignment? Where am I not living in alignment? What is no longer serving me? What is no longer in alignment? What might need to change? Where do I need to make changes in my life? Where do I need to make changes in my work? All of those things. And so we focused on that yesterday and that's why I want to share it with you today. How big is the gap between who you really are and who you're showing up as? And I know now that my gap is minimal because of all of the work that I do continue to do and I know that at times it still grows, it still expands. And I know for me what I've got to do, I really for me, I want to get to a point where that gap is so minimal.
18:29 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
It's not even a point of questioning, right? It's just a point of awareness.
18:33 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
Okay, that was a little bit out of line for me today, that was a little bit out of sync, let's bring it back tomorrow, right? I want to make all of that minimal. I think that's the goal for me and a lot of that for me is coming from focusing more on my health and my well-being. Particularly this time of year, this time of year I naturally fall out of sync with a few things. My health conditions, I live with three chronic health conditions as a result of two periods of severe burnout. And this time of year, my health conditions can fall out of sync, can cause me some challenges. And so part of my work really is how can I close the gap and not be that out of sync? Of sync this time of year when my conditions are likely to be exacerbated or irritated or cause these flare-ups. So that's one thing I need to focus on and I know for me that's more around kind of health and well-being. I've got to dial up some of the habits, I've got to dial up some of the changes and I need to be planning much more in advance, ready for some of these seasonal because it is some of the seasonal changes that knock me out of sync. So what can I be doing prior to some of these seasonal changes that will then either make the seasonal shifts cause a minimal impact on my health or just do something in a slightly different way. So there's some of the things that I need to focus on. But some of the things that might be out of sync or out of alignment for you could be relationships, could be work, could be values, habits, behaviors, actions, interactions, thoughts, how you're dressing, how you're showing up, how you are holding back from conversations, how you're stopping yourself showing up on socials or in the public eye, how you feel that you need to mask or not share things or not have conversations. So my question for you today is like what can you do to close that gap. How can you make that gap as small as possible, right, between who you are and who you need to be, who you are and who you are presenting as, how you are presenting? Because as I said, the one thing that I am absolutely certain on without a shadow of a doubt is that the bigger the gap between who we really are and who we show up as, the bigger the gap for burnout to fill. So if we genuinely want to banish burnout, stop burnout from happening, if we really, really want to make that change, we can no longer afford to ignore the things that are not in alignment.
21:34 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
We can no longer ignore the things that are out of sync.
21:39 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
We can no longer ignore the things that are inauthentic. We can't afford to do that anymore. We need to be living as, we need to get really clear on who we are and then we need to be living from that place. So my closing thought for you today, my closing question for you today is how big is the gap between who you are and who you are presenting as in the world? And what can you start to do today to close that gap? That is this episode of Frazzled. Thank you very much for joining me. New episodes every Tuesday 7am, so I'll be back with you next week. And it's going to be book launch week, so I'm very, very excited. But yeah, I'll be back with you next week.
22:35 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
Thanks very much for joining.
22:37 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
If you this helpful, useful, give it a comment, give it a share, give it a like, but yeah, thank you for continuing to kind of show up and listen and share and give me comments, right? Let's spread as much of this message as we can so that together we can create this burnout-free world, right? We can banish burnout when we get really clear on who we are, when we close that gap and when we solve the burnout equation by coming back to our true sense of self. Go and have an amazing week. Thank you very much for watching or listening. I'll be back with you again next week. See you soon. Take care for now everybody. Bye bye.
