Closet Confessions
Mon, 2 Dec 2024
0:01 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Frazzled with me, your host, Kelly Swingler. We're talking today about clothes and clothing and all that it does to allow us to feel frazzled and stressed and maybe a bit overwhelmed. I mentioned in last week's episode, I have got this dream of being able to go to a cafe wardrobe, but even the thought of that stresses me out so much. So, I don't know, like closet confessions. There's one. Make a note of that, shall we? Maybe today is like closet confessions with Kelly Swingler. I'm writing that down before I forget it, because we know, unless you don't, maybe you're new. Maybe you don't know, but Frazzled, the podcast, is unscripted, unedited, and everything really. It's me and you for 20, 25 minutes, once a week, me rambling on, hopefully giving you some nuggets of information, maybe making you laugh a little bit along the way, sometimes unintentionally completely. But yeah, I think like, I do think for me, this podcast is like a bit of therapy, right? Sometimes just being able to talk about this stuff out loud, get it out in the open, break down some of the stigma, right, of some of the ways in which we think we've all got to be perfectly put together and perfectly voicing stuff. And again, if you don't know, if I haven't bored you with this story already, when I was thinking about the fact that I wanted to do a podcast, I genuinely, I could talk about some of the stuff that I talk about forever.
1:47 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And as part of my mission to banish burnout, right, want us all to be as calm and as whole and as put together as we possibly can.
1:55 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
But I think also show the kind of human side, right? Even though I've been doing all of this burnout work for like over a decade now, there are still some things that I do not have my shit together with. And sometimes I wish I did, and sometimes I just have to accept that I don't. But when thinking about doing this podcast, what was putting me off was thinking that it would need to be perfect. I'd need to get an editor. I'd need to be more organized. I'd need to be bulk, bulk recording. I'd need jingles and I wasn't quite sure how I wanted it to sound and I'd need, I'd need all of this stuff and I'd need new equipment and I'd need new recording and I'd need a new location. And all of those things were starting to stress me out. I just wanted to record a podcast. I just wanted to be able to to have some different conversations. I just wanted to get to the point of being able to say, like, we still make mistakes, right? We're still all human. Sometimes the stuff that stresses us out and we think, oh my God, there's something wrong with me. Like some of this stuff stresses us all out, but actually we don't talk about it because I think we think we have to be constantly painting this picture. And so, I don't know, potentially, I think maybe like some of the stuff that I do, like some of the lives that I do, the talks that I do, the work that I do, the awareness that I do, the training, the teaching, and the podcast. I think they're all, they are all slightly different. And I think they are, they're all potentially for different audiences. They're all me, but I think slightly different parts of me, right? In terms of how I'm able to deliver and kind of how I'm to talk about it. And I think probably out of all of those things, although I share my story in all of those, and I talk very openly in all of those.
3:51 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And, you know, I'm a bit like an open book when it comes to, you know, kind of honesty and openness and all of that stuff.
3:59 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
But I suppose, you know, maybe with this podcast, it is my kind of guilty pleasure of just being able to say like, I'm still a bit of a bloody mess. Right. This is, this is kind of where we go. So today is closet confessions, but you know, this, this podcast was about being able to get something out into the world that wasn't perfect and wasn't polished. And I'll still, you know, part of my kind of ongoing and potentially lifelong recovery from being this perfectionist people pleaser, right. Which ultimately contributed, I'm sure I know to not just my first period of burnout, but also to my second. I think with all of these things, like just showing up as ourselves is enough. And really that's what this podcast is about. And from the feedback that I get, many, many of you love it. And I mean, nobody's told me they hate it. Maybe they're either just not listening or they haven't bothered. I don't know. Would anybody really your podcast, just stop listening, surely.
5:06 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
I don't, I don't know.
5:07 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
But certainly the feedback that I get is that you do all love it and you appreciate it. I know some of you have got it bookmarked. I know one of you had like posted on LinkedIn to say like, I get the URL feed in my, in my emails every week. I cannot tell you, right, how much that made my heart absolutely melt. And I know that others of you have just been like, oh my God, you know, that was the thing. I'm now doing the same thing. So I know some of you get me directly in your inbox every week. I know some of you only take a listen when you see me post it on socials. I know some of you wait for the Burnout Bulletin that comes out every Thursday and then you like, you kind of binge everything that I kind of send to you. But like heartfelt thanks for that. And I do hope that in, you know, breaking down some of this stigma, talking about what it is that we're talking about and just kind of showing up as more of ourselves, right, that we can do the same for others. So, closet confessions. Where had I got to last week? I think I did it now. I was like, I'm gonna talk about my capsule wardrobe. I do want to talk about clothes. Last week we were talking about distractions, right? And I was like, I've like these two Stanley cups where I completely lost will to live as I was making myself a hot drink as I was on my way out to bed. But I cannot tell you I mean I need to I need to start telling you because that's hopefully we'll see what we'll see where the conversation goes but I think this is like this is where we're taking today's episode. My wardrobe, my coats, my clothes, my bags, my shoes, my belts, really stressful. A lot of the time and are probably where I probably like next to food that takes up a lot of my time energy and attention and I'll explain why for that in a moment and this is and this is I think like a bit of a knock on knock on impact of kind of what happens with the clothes but I probably spend well, not probably, I spend far too much time stressing about clothes and what I'm going to wear and what I'm going to look like, And added to that then the stress of food as well. And I think, let's talk about, let's quickly talk about that interchangeably. My first burnout led me to a number of food intolerances and food issues. One of the conditions that I lived with.
7:49 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And I think the second is now starting to have a big impact on it.
7:54 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
But one of the conditions that I live with, and started to have like a huge, huge, huge issues with my digestion. And that created a lot of food intolerances, I had allergies that were created a lot of my time. And when I when I say like about food, I can still and this is not a healthy thing to do. I'm working with a new team now, I'm working with a new trainer now. So we are really, really focusing on me creating healthy habits around food. And some people will then kind of look at my size and say, oh, like, you know, binge eating, all of that sort of stuff. That's not like, I just, forget to eat, like completely forget to eat. And on the days where I don't forget to eat, I then can go into a panic, right? I can go into a panic of how many calls have I got today? Because even sometimes, like salad can upset me, cold foods can upset me. And yet sometimes like if you're craving, right? If I'm craving, oh, okay. And then I'm like, well, when's my next call? What happened if I need to run away from my next call? What happens if I need to rush for my next call? If I'm traveling, it is like literally like, where is the nearest bathroom? Where is this happening? Where is this happening? Where is this happening? Can I eat this? Can I eat that? What are the intolerance levels? What are the allergy levels? Is it okay for me to ask for what I want? Is it not okay for me to ask for what I want? Will they be able to cater for me? Will I just not be able to eat all day? It's that kind of stuff that I'm talking about. So I don't mean like I'm always like, oh, like I've got, I'm thinking about food, and like, oh, I really want that thing. A lot of the time it's like, I can't eat. And that has become a big thing. But I also know that then has a knock-on impact on my overall health and my mental health and my emotional health and all of those sorts of bits and pieces. But I also, I can put an outfit on in the morning and by lunchtime I can look six months pregnant And so sometimes when it comes to clothing, even though I think, oh, that looks amazing, by the time I've seen some of the photos, I'm like, oh, you should never have worn that. And everyone's like, you look amazing. But I don't feel it. There are certain shots, there are certain angles, there are certain clothes, there are certain colors, there are certain fabrics that I'm just like, I can't do that. Even though for some of those things, actually they are my best colors and they are my best fabrics that I should be wearing, but then I can get really stressed and it can seriously impact how I feel. It can impact my confidence. It can impact my mental health, my emotional health. I think lots of people find that a real struggle because particularly those of you that maybe do see me speak on here every week, or maybe if you have seen me on stages everywhere, I can talk on a stage to tens of thousands of people and I'm okay, right? And I can feel confident and I will wear an outfit that is a bit wow or a bit different and do all of that stuff. But I can look back at the photos and just be like, what the hell were you thinking? Even though I've had loads of messages from people that like, oh my God, you look amazing, I love that. Love your brightness, love your vibrancy. And I dress for myself, right? For me to feel good, for me to feel comfortable, for me to be able to get up on stage and be like, this is me in all of my color and all of my fabulousness and all of this stuff. But then I can beat myself up about it afterwards. And we said last week, when we were talking about distractions, like I genuinely love the idea of a capsule wardrobe. And the reason that I love the idea of a capsule wardrobe is because I genuinely struggle with clutter. Not have the mental capacity for lots of things. Before my first burnout, I mean, I had wardrobes that were bursting at the seams and yet I could make an outfit out of anything. I just knew what was gonna go with what and what I could mix and match with and I could just make it happen. And somewhere along the line, I don't know if it was as my weight started to increase I don't know if it was as I started to have health problems. I don't know if it was just as a result of that first and or second burnout. But it was almost like my ability to create outfits out of nothing just kind of vanished, right? It's like I lost that part somewhere. And so now it's like I have to be able to see the outfit. So if I see like an outfit online or in a shop, like I'll buy the outfit. Quite a few years ago, now, I bought, and I can't remember what the name of it was, some of you may have had the same, but there was like a clothing subscription box that you could get, that were like, we could like, we'll make outfits, and I was like, this is the answer, right, they'll send me a complete outfit, and then some different style choices, but they weren't, they wouldn't, they didn't send me a complete outfit, they'd send me a top, a coat, a pair of trousers, it wasn't an outfit, they'd give you a card that says this is how you can make an outfit out of all of the individual pieces, that wasn't what I wanted, I wanted outfit creator and every single year I will clear my wardrobe out maybe three or four times a year right stuff that I haven't worn in years stuff that doesn't suit me stuff that doesn't fit me I'll have regular clear outs all of the time I think I'm really really happy with that wardrobe and then maybe I'll have a flare-up and it's I need a whole new wardrobe or I need a whole new color scheme and if it's a whole new color I can't just buy, like, one blue jumper. I go in, like, I need to buy 50 items. That's a bit of an exaggeration. But, like, I need 10 items that are all blue, all the same shade of blue, so that everything goes with everything in blue. And the following week, it might be, oh, I love red. So then I'll buy, like, 10 items in red. And then the following week, it's, like, I need 10 items in print, right? I love that print. I want 10 items in print. And, of course, then I top my wardrobe back again. Not only just like constantly deplete my bank balance, but it also bloody stresses me out because then I've got too much choice again in my wardrobe. And we, my parents have been like Aldi shoppers for years, right? We've done like online shopping, we get it delivered. I thought online was easier until I realized that actually going to a shop is a bit easier. You don't have to worry about substitutions or any of that kind of stuff. And we had an Aldi that was built in kind of the next town to us. It was like, I'm just going to give it. And actually I really enjoy it. And one of the reasons that I enjoy it is because there aren't like 15 different brands of ketchup, right? There's one. There aren't 15 different types of broccoli.
15:01 - Unidentified Speaker
There's one.
15:02 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
And shopping for me has just become so much more easy because I don't have to think about it. To be looking at brands or colors or feeling overwhelmed or I wasn't necessarily like a deal looker but my other, like you don't have to get the most expensive one. It's like what is the most expensive one or what's the cheapest or like how do we do like I just, there were certain things I just couldn't get to get to work and it's almost like my wardrobe wardrobe has become like Tesco, right? Here's 50 different types of baked beans, now pick one. And I'm like, sometimes I open the drawer and I'm just like, oh, I don't know.
15:48 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And I might wear the same thing over again. And then I'm like, but I need more clothes because I need more clothes because I can't be seen in the same clothes more than once.
16:02 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
I think I've lived in this jumper. Obviously it's been cleaned. Those of you that can't see me, I've got, this is from a brand called Cezanne, which I love. It's kind of a blue jumper with some like floral print on the sleeves. And I love it, right? It's comfy. It feels amazing. I feel great in it. And yet sometimes I get myself in the headspace. Like I can't have people see me wearing the same outfit more than once.
16:26 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And yet I also don't really care.
16:29 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
And I'm sure the majority of you, probably now I've pointed it out, but maybe the majority of you wouldn't even realise if I was wearing the same thing more than once, right? Because it doesn't feature. That would be a distraction for you in order for you to notice. Honestly, I mean, sometimes I can open up my wardrobe and I'm like, oh, I haven't got any, I don't know, red shoes. So I buy myself a pair of red shoes and then I'll go to a different cupboard and I'm like, oh, here's four pairs of red shoes. And this stuff stresses me out because it get in my head. I'm like, I'd love a capsule wardrobe, but I can never decide on the colour. I can never decide on the style. Never decided any of those things. Cause a lot of the time it does depend like what's my mood like today. Is it a, I want to be in a yoga onesie jumpsuit all day or do I want to be in a floral suit? Right. And they are completely different ends of the spectrum. And I mean, I don't know if you've got tips for how to do this, let me know. But like, that's the point that I get to, I think I know a lot again, I've got lots of friends that have got like their colour, right, their signature colour. I don't really have a signature colour. I think, you know, a few years back I could have probably said to you it was orange. I've gone off orange. I don't want to be, I don't want to, I don't want to wear it, she says with her, again, if you can see me with my bright orange book cover in the back, but I don't want to wear it anymore. I'm not an orange person. Maybe I'm, you know, I think I am going through a bit more of a pink phase at the moment. But I also do, like, I love silver and I love grey, which, I don't know, for those of you that have, if you, you know, if you see me speak on stage, it's like a full length matching bright floral suit on, and I'm like, I like a bit of grey. They'll be like, what? But, like, it's all of this, and some don't, like, some again, like when I'm in the house, I'm in gray, right? I've got gray jeans on, I've got gray trousers, I've got silver trousers, I've got silver boots, I've got gray boots, I've got silver belts, I've got silver tops, I've got silver jumpers, I've got gray jackets, I've got like, and actually I look pretty cool in silver. And then tomorrow I want a head to toe floral suit. But even some of those things will stress me out. And sometimes it is about, lack right it's like if I if I were to really scale back would I then have enough would I be able to look different enough because I do have this thing about like not wanting to always be the same and I know again there are some brands that my friends would very highly recommend but actually I don't want to shop from those brands because I don't I don't want to look the same as everybody else I think there is again that's that's kind of a thing for me but also some of that can stress me out. I don't know what the lesson is of today, but yeah, like, I don't know, maybe this is like, what do you advise me to do this week? Maybe that's where we're going with this lesson. But I suppose for some of you, if you're finding that your wardrobe or your cupboard or your desk or your car boot or I don't know, your bookshelf or something, right? If there's that thing, and maybe it's the thing that will always stress you out. Maybe it's like, I've tried capsule wardrobe. I think at the beginning, was it the beginning of this year or last year? I was like, oh, I've done this amazing thing. I've cleared my wardrobe out. I've gone down from all of the wardrobes that I had, right?
20:24 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 2
And I was like, I've gone down to two and I feel really, really proud of myself.
20:28 - Conference Room (Kelly Swingler) - Speaker 1
I'm not anywhere, I'm not back up to where I was because I still have regular clear outs, but I'm back to kind of from and it doesn't make me feel good, it's not making me feel calm, it stresses me even more and I don't know, maybe we've all got that thing, maybe I need to stop stressing about the fact that I keep stressing about clothes and just accept that maybe clothes, bags and shoes are always going to be my thing. I've cleared for the first time a few weeks ago, I've cleared quite a lot of my bookshelf out, I've never done that before, I mean some of it I've done to make room for my own, for those of you that can see, which by the way, you can now buy Fuck Burnout on Amazon, and I've got an online course that you can buy on the website, just a shameless plug for that one there. But yeah, like maybe some of this is accepting, what was it, accepting the things that we can change and just, yeah, and like, what is it, the wisdom to know the difference or something, isn't it? Is it serenity prayer, something like that? Remember the exact words, but maybe that's the thing. Maybe closed shoes and wardrobes are not the thing that I need to be stressing about. Maybe the fact that I have for the first time in a very, very, very long time been able to close some space in my bookshelf, maybe that's the thing. Maybe the fact that I've been able to create space and calm and everything else in the rest of the house, right, maybe that is a good thing. Maybe the fact that I have been able to make changes to my work and the space and how I'm able to do my work. Maybe that's what needs to be focusing on. So maybe today is more about acceptance, accepting the things that do stress me out and stopping stressing about them, right? Just accepting I'm never going to have a bloody capsule wardrobe. I'm always going to spend far too money on clothes, bags, and shoes. And like, maybe that's just my thing. Maybe it is. And like for all of us, right? What you want, take what you need and leave what you don't. Maybe there's something in today's episode that you can take what you need and maybe there's something that you can leave what you want. Maybe you've got lots of advice for me, maybe you've got help, maybe we can just accept that some things are going to stay stressful and difficult and jitty and that's okay too. So there you go, closet confessions. I'll be back for you next week for our final episode of 2024.
