Hello hello we are back for another episode of Frazzled. Thank you very much for being here. Thank you for joining. Thank you for listening. Frasold is my uncut unedited unscripted podcast. We never really know what we're going to get. uh There might be background noise. There might be ums and R's and pauses and trip-ups and all of that lovely stuff. And do you know what? It's okay? Because good is good enough. And for those of you that have been with me forever or whether you are new, thanks for allowing me to share this with you, right? The good enough being good enough. Today we are going to talk about why you can't buy your way out of burnout why you can't buy your way out of burnout. This has been I'm going to say like a light bulb moment, right? A realization for a number of people I think recently. I'm I've started to get messages from they're not, you know I'm not I'm not getting them all of the time, but I have started to over the last couple of months. Get these messages from people have thanks, you know, thanks very much for that post. Thanks very much for your book. Thanks very much for that podcast episode. Thanks very much for the webinar. You know, you've made me realize that I can't buy my way out of Bernard. And I need to find out really what it is that I have been saying uh in those things to allow people to come to that realization. But I I thought this was this was an interesting point to share with you this week. I know when I was particularly like on the borderline of my second burnout and definitely as I started to come through the other side of it, I spent and I am going to I'm going to say thousands. I spent thousands on looking for the thing right the the magic wand, the magic pill, the magic potion um the magic I don't know, like routine, right? I was absolutely convinced without a doubt that there there was magic, right? There was magic out there and everything that I saw I was I was on Facebook a lot then, but I was everything I saw, right? Every coach, every healer, every therapist that had this 12 week course or this six week course or this book a one to one or this thing or that thing or whatever. I was absolutely convinced at the time that that would be the thing that would allow me to come through this burnout. Absolutely convinced. And every single one that I saw, I was oh, brilliant, right? Because and they're brilliant the market is, right? Are you feeling like this? If you're feeling like this, um and you're feeling like this, then this is what you need. It's like that's that's yeah, that's that's the thing that I need. and I kept spending and spending and spending and I kept learning and I kept changing and I kept doing everything that all of these people were telling me needed to be done. And I was pushing myself even harder. And when that thing didn't work, I'd never thought it was as a result of the thing right? It was me. I was the reason that that thing wasn't working. So there was some somebody else that would say by this, do this. I was like, yeah, that would be the thing then. So then I'd by that thing and I'd do everything that that thing said and that thing wasn't making any difference anyway. so then I thought again, I was the problem because clearly this is working for everybody else. Clearly I'm the problem. And then I'd buy the next thing and the same thing would happen and I'd buy the next thing and the same thing would happen. And the pattern kept repeating and repeating and repeating. And then I remember working with I booked this energy session with somebody. Again, she come up on my face, but never heard of her before, but she was doing this energy healing stuff and I was like that's that's what I need right that's that's the magic that I need because I'd pretty much by that point exhausted everything and I had this it was a 90 minute session that I had with her. I spent so so long kind of talking to her through it and then she was like right I'm gonna I'll do this energy stuff then you just basically like turn off your phone sit there for half an hour and we'll do this thing and I was like yeah all right love and then when we spoke again she said to me nothing's going to change unless you stop give yourself what you need and pay attention to all of the signs that you're being given and I thought this is just kooky right she wants me to stop and take a break. She clearly doesn't know how busy I am. She doesn't know of got all this stuff to do. She's clearly right I'm like she can't fix me right? She's telling me I like I need to tune in right I need to pay attention. I need to go inwards. I need to pay attention to my int it like this woman hasn't got a clearly clear what she talk about right and this this session had costs me hundreds of pounds and she was basically like clear your diary take some time out give yourself the space that you need and pay attention to the signs that your body's giving you right and I'm like well she's your shit. She doesn't know you know she doesn't know what she talk about. and so I didn't listen to her. She was one of the only ones I didn't listen to. What did I do then? I bought another course. Then I worked with somebody else and I did another training, then I did another training, another training and this second burnout whilst my first had made me seriously ill. This second one nearly killed me like it almost drove me to the point of suicide like I could not cope mentally I wasn't coping physically I wasn't coping and whilst I knew that I did not want to die, the only solution that I could come up with in my head was me not being here with solve everything That's where that's where I got to. That's where I got to in my head. That's the only solution that I could come up with because I'd done all of the stuff. I'd been buying course after course after course. I'd been listening to all of these people that told me they had the miracle for this and the miracle for that. None of it was working, right? So I must have been the problem Obviously I was the problem and the one woman who didn't try to sell me a quick fix who didn't tell me that she had the miracle cure, who didn't tell me that I needed this framework or this model or this tick box or this that or this the other or, you know, spin around on your head 15 times and, you know, and then jump on, you know, jump on one leg for 10 minutes, right? She wasn't telling me that. She was saying you need to stop. You need tune in. You need to pay attention to what your body is telling you and I chose not to listen to her because I couldn't see how me doing any of it like how was stopping going to help me? I only had one session with this woman and after that I could never find her again. couldn't find her on face but anymore couldn't do anything. And I even spent a few months thinking did I imagine her? But I didn't. um You know, my my partner had come in whilst I was having this first session and like I I know it happened I didn't didn't make any of this stuff off. I know it happened but genuine like couldn't find her anymore after that because I think if I as I started to come out, right as I started to change my mindset as I got myself out of that really low place as I began to move myself forward, what I had started to do was stop and pay attention to what I needed. That became the difference. And these messages that I've began to have from people over the last few weeks have basically been right what you have, what you've is basically I've been trying to buy my way out of burnout. I've been doing all of this learning. I've been doing all of these courses. I've been paying for this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing and I've realized that what I need to do is pay attention to what I need, right? That that's where it's come from. And I haven't as I've been getting the messages like I've not been saying that explicitly even though 99.9% of the time, right? That's my message, right? We need to get clear on who we are. I need to know who I am. You need to know who you are the more that we can live from who we are the better the decisions we make the better the boundaries, the more we provide the right level of self-care and not from a not just from kind of bubble bubs and spa days, but also our self-talk, how we're taking care of our body how we're taking care of our mind, how we're giving all of these things to ourselves, right? That's where a lot of this self-care comes from. Yet many of us fall into the trap don't we of thinking we can buy our way out of this stuff? And I am certain write a lot of the qualifications that I then did to learn more about burnout and I've got some weird and wonderful qualifications right, but I have spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on understanding burnout stress, the impact on the brain, the impact on the body, the impact on our on our nervous system. But again, a lot of those qualifications were still me trying to buy my way out of it because I could know the stuff and I could learn the stuff and as long as I was helping other people, right that was surely what mattered most. But it's also what stopped me doing a lot of this work around burnout, right? Because I knew in a lot of ways that I was just being a bit of a hypocrite I knew that I couldn't go full into this burnout work because whilst I was saying it, I wasn't living it I could only own this stuff right? I could only own the burn autologist job title and I could only earn speaking on stages about my story all of the time and I could only earn doing this this work and telling these stories and doing all of this stuff. I could only I could only own all of that when I was doing it for myself. because the disconnect of kind of do as I say not as I do doesn't really sit very well with me, right? That goes so against all of my values, right it makes me feel a bit ick Like I can't do it if I'm not living it and again I had to recognise that I could continue to pay hundreds or thousands or tens of thousand pounds on training and courses and qualifications and certificates. Right? I'm not I've not, you know, I've not got the PhD title yet., but I was conv you know, and it was like I and I I don't know I don't know every single bird out expert in the world right but I'd probably I' probably spent and I' probably more qualified. I would say than probably anybody else in this field That still doesn't mean that I know it all. That still doesn't necessarily mean that I'm the best because again, knowing it and doing it knowing it and living it knowing it and changing it are often very, very different things. And I'm sure some of you again, I've done this myself some of you have thought that's the course that's going to fix it. That's the thing that's going to fix it. That's the coaching that's going to fix it. That's the person that's going to fix it right? And even with all of the things that I have done and have qualified in and and have learned and trained and all those there are also some that I've spent hundreds of pounds on that I've never done anything with that have just sat there, wasted because at that moment I thought it was the fix, but I wasn't actually prepared to make any of the changes. I didn't really want to do the work. Was wasn't interested in doing the work. All I wanted was the magic fix. I wanted the magic switch and there isn't one and it took me a really long time to realize that and again, if I look back on that, it took me a really long time to realize that because I was navigating through a lot of this myself. I wasn't being open with a lot of the people that I was working with one to one be that therapist or counselors or healers or teachers or whoever. I didn't really admit to any of them where I was at and yet I was still expecting them to just give me the magic cure for what it was that I wanted. I didn't know really until burnout number two that I'd experienced burnout number one didn't really understand this stuff. I navigated two years on my own of high anxiety and pressure and stress and not being able to recognize myself in the mirror, not knowing what I wanted to, you know, I I spent thousands of pounds on a brand new wardrobe because I'd met this woman at a networking event who was, you know, kind of kind of color and style. we need to sort it out for you. Bend my entire wardrobe, right, of clothes that made me feel fabulous. to buy this wardrobe is that I didn't recognize myself in. I didn't know how to start. I didn't feel comfortable in it, but I'd been told it was my color and my style and then spent years feeling miserable in my in what I was wearing because it didn't feel like me. And I couldn't articulate that to any anybody at the time, right? Because this woman was was the expert, right, in color and style, apparently this is what I should be wearing. This is but it never felt like me. And I then felt again that I was the problem because this expert had told me this is what you should be wearing. This is how it should be feet you know, this is what you should be. And so and I bend my beautifully curated like my entire wardrobe of beautifully curated clothes that I loved that I would wear time and time and time and time again for this wardrobe of stuff that never felt like me. And I put it on and think, oh, that's not right. And then I didn't want to leave the house. I didn't want to go anywhere because I didn't feel right, but I'd paid that hundreds of pounds to work with this woman because she'd convinced me it was going to be how I was going to grow my business and I'd spent thousands, probably tens and thousands of pounds on this new wardrobe and none of it felt like me. And then as my weight started to develop to grow rather, but you know, I started to put a lot of weight on my body was then giving me all these signs. I started to develop all of these allergies and and all of these issues around digestion and health and my skin was getting really bad. My hair was getting really bad. My energy was at rock bottom. I'm going towards burnout number two, not even necessarily acknowledging or accepting that I've been through burnout number two, but I just kept spending so I was convinced that everybody else out there was the expert. and the one woman that told me that I needed to look into myself and do the work on me. I'd thought she was the biggest fraud out of all of them and she didn't know what she was talking about because I didn't want to hear it. I wanted a quick fix. There is no quick fix out of burnout. There's no quick fix out of feeling frazzled. Everything that we do has to become a daily and consistent action step, movement, motion And again, it doesn't necessarily have to be a rigid routine. I've recognized that, you know, a certain amount of routine is really great for me, but not to the point where it's like I need to do this at this point and this at this point and this no I've recognized that I need to do my exercise first thing in the morning whatever that looks like that's what I need to do. I recognize that I need to keep tuning into my body throughout the course of every day. What do I need now? What do I need to eat? What do I need to drink? What's my body asking for? What do I need in this moment? Why am I feeling like this? Why am I feeling like this? What's causing me to feel like this? Those constant checkins And I think like if we've been to burn out once is really, really easy for us to go there a second time. And I think if we go go there a second time it's easy to get there for a third and a fourth like preventing burnout for me now. like is a constant. I can't afford to have a really late night. I can't afford to ignore what my body's telling me and if you've not been to that point of burnout, if you're just kind of on on that point of Frasled, right if you're in the run up to it, there's still time for you to continue to make those changes. But once you get to burnout, it all just starts to feel that bit harder. You need to keep making the effort. You need to keep really focusing on yourself. You need to put yourself out. You can't afford to never be top of your own list. And that in itself can feel like a slog, but you can't buy your way out of that. The only way that you can come through it is by paying attention to what you need and then giving yourself that that's how we make the change. That's how we create the change. That's how we banish burnout. That's how we move from Frasle to fabulous. That's how we create the changes that we need to create for ourselves and yes, we might need support to get us through there, right. I still work with coaches now. I still reach out to people now. I still work with a therapist now, but I'm not expecting those people anymore to give me the magic answer I just know that it's them that can hold me accountable and that's not like me knowing it all. I don't know it all. I'll still work with people. I still learn from people. I still want all of that great stuff. But what I want to learn now is how to be more of me not how I can be more like anybody else by using their frameworks or their methods or their models, right everything I do now from a learning perspective is about how I can be more me if you wanna move from Frasel to Fabulus, I would say that might be a direction that you might want to start looking into. How can you be more you whilst at the same time recognizing that you cannot buy your way out of burnout thanks for joining me again. I will be back with you again next week 7 AM again if you'd liked it let me know if you think this might be useful for somebody else please do share and uh I look forward to seeing you again next week if you want to find out more if you want to find out if you've got bad out score, if you want to um go in more in depth with the really in-depth Bernard assessment head over to kellyswinkler.com uh you'll find the quiz and the assessment over there. And uh yeah, go have an amazing week. I'll be back with you again next Tuesday seven AM. Take care for now bye-bye.
